apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
