hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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