man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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