I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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