brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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