the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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