I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
