were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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