Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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