Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
