She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
