My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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