It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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