I could have mohawked her pubes.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
