So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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