Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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