My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
handjob tips. give me some.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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