why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
