You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize