Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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