you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
