Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
