Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
