Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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