just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
