I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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