Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
