I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
