My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize