captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
