i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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