i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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