my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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