I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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