Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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