There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
