I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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