The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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