conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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