First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize