Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
