dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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