my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
