She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
