I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
