I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
