I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
