So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she looked like the before picture.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
