I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize