She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
