the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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