Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
