I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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