so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
