4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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