Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
