i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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