Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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