mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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