The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
