Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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