Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
