on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
