My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize