Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
