think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
