If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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