I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
