you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
