I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
