We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
