me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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