dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
