hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
