Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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