You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
