nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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