Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
