Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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