IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
