My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize