Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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