my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
