dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
