You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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