Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
