Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
