I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
