Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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