Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
